I think I've finally figured it out.
It's not a fear of rejection
Or the shyness I always thought it was.
I'm not afraid of talking with you
I'm not afraid of you not wanting me
The way I want you.

I am afraid though.

I'm afraid to lose what has just begun,
A friendship,
One that's begining to grow
And one I hope will continue to grow
Growing into better things
While all the while,
Keeping the friendship it started with.

Sometimes it seems that life is cruel,
That life and fate play games
Against each other.
One brings the people I want to be with
Close, almost within reach,
Until the other stops them,
Inches from my fingertips
And miles from my heart.

Then there were times that one pushed someone close,
And the other pulled him even closer
Making him uncomfortable
Where he once felt comfortable,
Eventually making him run and hide,
Leaving me without the comfort
Of my best friend.
Leaving me alone again.

Nearly three years have passed
Since I was rudely reminded that life is short,
Too short to act the way I do,
But I still can't help it.
There's a risk in everything
And in everything, a choice.

I choose not to risk it.

I don't want to not see your smiles
And the way your expressions change.
I don't want to be without your conversation.

Life is too short,
But it's also too long
To push people away.

~070601~